Hello everyone! I hope all of you are having a great start to your work week, but if you’re not, at least you can take your mind off things for a bit with today’s post!

Remember that time you went out with your friends to a bar/club/restaurant and you chatted up that guy/girl for like however long you were there for? Then as you were heading out they asked for your number and you thought to yourself “sure, why not, they seem pretty cool” so you exchange numbers and go on your way not really thinking too much of it.

Then when you’re in the car you hear the ever-so-familiar sound of your text tone, let’s be real here it is probably the most frequently heard sound by the entire human race, and you pull out your phone curious/excited as to who it could be (don’t even lie you know you act like that every time your phone goes off). So you look at it:

“Hey it’s [guy/girl] from the [location you met] what are you gonna do tonight? Wanna hangout?”

Uhhh…. What the hell? Is this guy/girl really asking me what I am doing 5 minutes after he said goodbye to me? Hmm they’re probably just drunk, I will play into it tonight I guess, I mean what is the worst that could happen?

So, the entire week following the “exchanging of the phone numbers”, you quickly draw the conclusion that:

  1. No they were not just drunk when they sent you a text asking to hangout 5 minutes after getting your number.
  2. They actually enjoy sending you a text asking what you are up to and if you want to hang out pretty much EVERY day.
  3. You may have dug yourself into a bit of a hole when you gave this guy/girl your phone number.
  4. You also may have dug yourself into an even DEEPER hole when you played into their texts that first night (rookie move, we all do it).
  5. You are just going to have to let them down easy before things get too out of control.

Okay so that initial week of the constant texts requesting to see you again has passed. You made the mental list in your head (it may be longer or shorter depending on how eager this texter really is) and you have had enough. I mean, I don’t care what ANYONE says, there is absolutely nothing flattering about this situation. It is not cute that you feel the need to text me EVERY SINGLE DAY trying to hangout when we just met a couple of days before at like a bar or something. It is creepy and weird and a little obsessive. Like maybe one text a day or two later, totally appropriate. But this nonsense is just plain unacceptable and it needs to be stopped.

So hopefully you figure out a way to cut the cord on that and you vow to never make that mistake again. Fast forward to some time in the future: a few months, maybe a year, maybe even more. You are just going about your life, business as usual, and you get a text message. You go to check it and you see that name, yes you still have them in your phone, do you remember who you are dealing with here? No one likes surprises! Anyway, this is the future and you’re a friendly person, so you go ahead and reply to them. What’s the worst that could happen?

  1. He/She will still be the same exact obsessive texter they were before. Did you honestly think they wouldn’t be?
  2. You will find yourself in a twilight zone-ish world where history is just repeating itself with constant feelings of deja-vu
  3. You might not remember how you got rid of him/her before, you can’t use the same out, maybe he/she won’t remember either?
  4. He/She might have gone through some terrible tragedy since then, so now you have to reject him/her again, AFTER he/she has gone through a bunch of awful shit. Way to be a total asshole.
  5. You will have to suffer through ANOTHER length of time where you are getting constant texts from him/her asking you to hangout which you always reply “perhaps” or “maybe” to even though you know you never will.

Congratulations future you, not many people can say they have time traveled, and you only have yourself to blame. But honestly it really isn’t your fault. I mean god forbid you are a friendly person who just likes talking to people right? All of a sudden it’s a crime to respond to people with absolutely no intention of ever hanging out with them? Like sorry I have manners and I speak when I am spoken to. Had no idea that pressing the send button is an automatic commitment to giving you my time just because you’re texting me. Also, word of advice: I may actually want to hangout with you at first, but my schedule is making it difficult, hitting me up every day asking me if I will ever make time for you is definitely gonna make me glad my schedule is so busy.

 

So what inspired this post? Obviously a real life experience that I have decided to share with all of you through the screen of my iPhone. Brief insight is I met this guy at a bar a year ago, he took a pic of me and my friends for us, we chatted for a bit. I gave him my number and he texted me IMMEDIATELY after I left to hangout. I went with it because I lived out of state. A year later he popped up again and I decided to be friendly and respond to the texts. I am sorry let me rephrase that, CONSTANT texts. I was always very nice when I would say I couldn’t hangout but in these photos I was at my breaking point. I am in green, he is silver. Enjoy:

 

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Screen Shot 2018-02-18 at 11.02.38 PM

 

xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: Sentimental Tune by Tegan and Sara]

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“How do I get him to stop texting me?” A story by Kara Love & her iPhone

Finally you have found someone perfect.

Hello everyone. I am not sure if you can guess the subject of today’s post by the title/photo but it is something that has come up in quite a few conversations lately so I figured I would write about it.

Marriage. I believe I wrote a post a while back about this adorable married couple I know and the insight I got from them on how to make it work and etc. So, lately I have been having these discussions with my sister, and she believes that I am totally living in some fantasy world. You see, despite what it may seem like from reading my blog, I am actually not a cynical person when it comes to love. Oh boy do I believe in love. I mean REALLY believe in it. The whole boy meets girl, boy and girl fall madly in love, get married and start a family… you know how the story goes. And why shouldn’t it go like that? Is it that hard to fathom that there is someone out there that is just perfect for you and when you meet him you just know? I am not completely unrealistic, I know that there is more to marriage than just love and I know that love isn’t always enough, trust me I know that. But that doesn’t mean that love isn’t a huge part of it. If anything I believe that love is like, the MAIN part of it… right?

Now my sister seems to think that because of my “fantasy” that I am living in I will have a very difficult time settling down and getting married. She says this because she believes that marriage is a business deal and the whole purpose is to find someone who will be a good husband to me and a good father to our children (when that time comes). He will be someone who will love our children and take care of us the way we need to be taken care of. That doesn’t mean I don’t need to have a job or whatever it isn’t all about finances but just in the grand scheme of things he is the right guy for the task at hand. When she said this I told her I don’t think that is how it is, I feel that if I don’t marry for love then I will wake up one day full of regret and unhappiness and want to leave him, and my biggest fear of marriage is to follow in my parents footsteps and raise my hypothetical children in a broken home. Her response to this was: “You know what you do when you wake up unhappy and want to leave? You get up, you go and play with your kids that you had with this man, you think about how good he is to those kids, and then you go to sleep. Because chances are those feelings will pass by the time you wake up”. Yeah… that is the wisdom I get from my older sister ha ha.

So who knows, maybe my ideals on love and marriage will make me actually achieving them difficult, I suppose only time will tell. All I know is that I would rather live my entire life alone than marry someone just because it was the “logical” thing to do. I don’t need some whimsical romance to sweep me off my feet like in the movies but it that much to ask to actually connect with someone and just get lost in it? I mean yeah I want to be smart about it, I want us to have careers, and I want us to be able to build a life together comfortably. But can’t you have that and be in love?

Anyway, for now, I love the fairytale I am living in. There may not be a knight in shining armor just yet, but that’s okay, I am all the hero I need at the moment.

xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: Hard to Concentrate by Red Hot Chili Peppers]

Friends are like Uggs… No one wants the fake ones!

Oh hello Tuesday (even though it feels like Monday). I was out sick yesterday so my week is already off to a weird start while I get my days confused and TV showtimes mixed up LOL! I hope everyone had a good weekend, mine was pretty mellow considering, I know most of you went to Stagecoach so that is exciting!! I was actually supposed to go to that (I know shocking because I am not a huge country music fan) but my best friend was going so my dad surprised me with a ticket which was pretty cool. Unfortunately the place she was staying didn’t have enough room for one more person. Oh well, there is always next year, probably best to save money anyways since I am planning an EPIC Vegas trip!

Anyways, I decided to dedicate this blog post to friendship, because I have been so fortunate throughout my life with the friends I have made. However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t had my run ins with a few bitches along the way, as I am sure most of you have as well. Here is my biggest pet peeve when it comes to being friends with girls: why do you always gotta lash out against one another? I mean in reality we should be on the same team. We are women, there is nothing more powerful and beautiful than that, united we can do pretty much anything. When we fight and talk shit about each other that is when we are at our weakest and of course the opposite sex can EASILY take advantage. I have been in more than one situation like that in my life and trust me when I say that guys will always pin girls against each other because we are weaker when we stand alone. #TrueStory.

Me, I absolutely LOVE having friends that are girls, we are so much fun! I cherish the friendships I have had all of these years and can proudly say that I have kept almost all of them in good standing the entire length of the friendship (minus a few bumps here and there). I was just speaking on the phone to my friend Bekah last night about how we met and you are gonna love this story. I was living in Vegas and had only been there a few months so I would always go into this bar Blue Martini to visit my friend Natalie while she was working. There was a guy bartender there that I thought was really cute so I would always go hang out at his bar and flirt with him (typical) but tonight I noticed there were two girls sitting right there where he was working. Now I am not a bitch, contrary to popular belief, so I decided to introduce myself to the girls. One of them really had a story to tell. I mean this girl was talking my EAR OFF. She was very nice and everything but it was just a lot to take in. Somewhere inside the stories she was telling she let slip that they came to that bar to see the bartender because her friend Bekah had a crush on him, that is when I was introduced to her friend, and at the end of the night we ended up exchanging numbers. Over a year later and she is one of my best friends, I seriously love her to death and have been through so much with her, and we met going after the same guy. Shocking right?

When you think about it though it actually isn’t that shocking. We bonded over the fact that we both thought the same guy was hot and that he happened to be a total tool. We weren’t trying to fight for him we were actually more satisfied with the friendship we gained from each other than a crappy one night stand with some asshole. That is how I approach most situations with my friends. I will NEVER put a guy first it just isn’t who I am. Because at the end of the day that guy could leave you or cheat on you or you could end on peaceful terms, either way you are going to want that friend by your side. I think when it comes to friendship the main factor that keeps it together is selflessness. Because let’s face it, you are going to have to listen to your friend bitch and cry and talk shit, even if you are having a crappy day. It is their turn then it is your turn. Sometimes vice versa.

There is just no way a friendship is going to last if you think the world is all about you and you expect your friends to constantly listen to you and be there for you if you do not reciprocate. I mean the same thing goes in a relationship too right? You’re not going to want to date someone who demands everything from you and gives nothing in return are you? Didn’t think so. So here is a reality check: I am not a bitch, but I also do not surround myself with selfish people who believe the world caters to them, those people carry bad energy that I do not care for. I have been through some shit, no worse than anyone else’s shit, but shit nonetheless. So forgive me for not choosing to stand by and allow people to treat myself and others that I care about as if they live to serve these so-called “friends”. I give tons of second chances and everyone knows that about me, but I only do it for those who truly meant something to me, and who I believe actually deserve it. If you haven’t shown me the same amount of respect and time that I feel a friendship deserves, then you can expect to no longer see me as your friend, and that is just how it is.

Now I know we are adults and this is not High School with the Myspace Top 8 and the “you can’t sit with us” bullshit. But whatever the age these things still become a problem and they still matter. I hate to admit it, and yes maybe it is because I am a girl, but that is just the way it is. So if you are a female out there and you are reading this: CHERISH YOUR FRIENDS. They deserve it. No one will be there for you like they have been and will be. And if you have a shitty friend who basically expects to always be a top priority in your life but has no problem shoving you aside in their own, then repeat after me:

“You’re Basic, Bye!”

xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: Fuel to Fire by Agnes Obel]

Oh it’s finally the weekend. I gotta write this post because it is about something that has just been bothering me for a while now. Show of hands for how many of you think it is cute when the object of your affection is TOO clingy. Ok obviously I can’t see your hands but I am going to assume very few of them are raised (hopefully).

Boys here’s a little piece of advice: just because you want to hang out with a girl super bad doesn’t mean you have to SHOW her how bad. Trust me there is nothing less attractive than a guy texting you all day and night when you just started hanging out. Sure, there may be some girls out there who like to hear from the guy 24/7 and hangout ALL the time, but it isn’t genuine. It all stems from insecurity and jealousy and etc. That is why I don’t trust guys who behave that way either. Oh I’m sorry you have known me all of two weeks and you’re already so sure that you want to spend every minute with me? And if you’re not with me you miss me so much you need to be texting me? Sorry dude but that does not make me feel special. It just makes me think you act that way with every girl and I’m just like all the rest. Also it makes me feel suffocated and it’s not cute.

So you meet a girl and exchange numbers and start texting or whatever. That’s nice and all, small talk, gettin to know each other, the usual. Then you feel the need to push your luck and jump straight into asking to hang out right away. Like woah. Cool your jets turbo. Now all I wanna do is stop texting you and avoid a hang out to the best of my ability. I mean let’s be real here, when it is the girl behaving that way toward you, what is your impression? “This girl is crazy” “she’s so clingy” you think it is any different when roles are reversed? Nope. I think the only difference is a guy will probably still sleep with a girl despite how clingy and crazy she is even if he can’t stand her long enough to date her. Girls can’t roll like that, or at least I can’t, I find it impossible.

Obviously I can’t speak for all girls but that’s the inside scoop for me. Now that doesn’t mean that we want NO communication either. There’s such thing as just enough knowledge of your feelings and just enough mystery. It’s not rocket science people. Enjoy your weekend!

xoxo.

[Currently Watching: Supernatural]

Hi I like you, wanna hang out every day forever?

I can take so much, til I’ve had enough

Expectations. We all have them, some very high, and some very low. When people get into the habit of expecting too much they set themselves up for disappointment and it is like a disease it just spreads and people end up missing out on simple joys in life because of it.

The song I posted above has been a favorite of mine recently. When I look back on all the times I had people counting on me I am reminded only of the pressure I felt. It is the most stressful thing to have people looking for you to do something: graduate from college, make a relationship work, keep a good job… And when you are unable to hold all of that together it’s as if people forget what it is like themselves and just question every choice you made as if it were the wrong one.

The truth is that we are all fantastic actors, we can fake anything, and a lot of the time we do. I had a boyfriend tell me once that I was such an amazing actress during a fight because I started crying. And although I was not acting in that moment and it actually upset me even more when he said that, all I could think about was how natural it felt, and how all the times I was with him and not being sad was the moments I was in fact playing a part. We all do that a little more than we would care to admit.

I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that’s what you ask
Give you all I am”

Let me tell you, my ex boyfriend was right, I am a great actress. I mean half the time when my world is falling apart it appears as though I have everything in complete control. I do not know why I do this. It is natural for people to struggle and there is no shame in it, but I guess it is my pride, and the fear of appearing weak. This, however, has been one of my greatest downfalls in my past. Working so hard to hold everything together and not show how much I am struggling only led be to overwhelming stress which eventually assisted in my struggle to keep myself from drowning.

The reality is that we are HUMAN. It is okay to breakdown and cry sometimes. It is okay to fail. No one is perfect and if you think you know someone who is I can bet you a million dollars they are faking it. Nothing leaves you feeling more empty than pretending to be happy and solid when you are not. Society has put this unrealistic image of strength and perfection in our heads and we need to just snap out of it. Some of the most beautiful parts of us lie in our imperfections, flaws, and struggles.

The best part about human relationships is knowing that there are others out there sharing the same difficulties as you.

xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: Human by Christina Perri]

Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine, and we’ll walk from this dark room for the last time.

 

Hello everyone and happy Tuesday. I apologize for taking so long to write but my weekend was just SO busy! I went out of town for a Tegan and Sara concert (which was absolutely divine) and yesterday I was just too exhausted to even consider writing anything.

I was having some serious writers block all day today trying to decide what I should write about. I considered reliving the events from my weekend but I posted them all over my Facebook and Instagram and didn’t want to do that to everyone again hahaha. So as I was sitting here at my desk thinking I should just give up and try again tomorrow, my best friend send me a text bringing up a random thing from my past, which also came up in her past. This sparked my mind into thinking maybe I should write about this… Now obviously I do not want to write about the exact situation that went on (for her privacy and my own) but perhaps I can write about the general idea and still get the point across.

We all do things in our lives that we regret. Maybe we don’t regret them but at some point they pop into our heads and we think “what if”. If we aren’t careful these trips down memory lane can take us to a very dark place making it very hard to find our way out. We are all human so we are all guilty of doing this, whether it be about a boy/girl we broke up with, or even a fight with a friend/family member. The biggest problem we all have is moving forward from things that we have either done to ourselves or to the ones we love. The guilt just swallows us whole and we blame ourselves and everyone around us until we just cannot fathom ever being able to recover. The idea of forgiving ourselves for what we have done is almost impossible to grasp and we begin to enjoy living every different scenario we can dream up of how things could have been had we not done what we are wishing we hadn’t.

Nothing good can come from this darkness. I am not saying that you will drink or do drugs or whatever. I am saying in general, even if you are doing no form of self medicating, it is still very unhealthy to dwell in past mistakes. We cannot always get things right the first time that is just not how the world works unfortunately. Trust me, when I think about this one thing in my past, and where I could possibly be had I done things different, the possibilities can go on forever. But the point is that I didn’t do things different. I am where I am today because of all sorts of things, all having to do with me, not necessarily having to do with this one thing that I wish had gone a different direction. Who knows, what if I had done things differently back then, and ended up miserable right now. There is no way of knowing which is why there is no way to turn back the clock and do things over. What’s done is done. All we can do is continue growing and learning and the next time we land ourselves in the same situation hopefully we are able to do things differently.

I think about this certain memory quite often, and I doubt I will ever stop thinking about it, but I am okay with that. I don’t ever want to forget it no matter how sad it makes me when it does cross my mind. The truth is, I like being able to feel things, even if it’s sadness and regret. It just reminds me that I’m alive.

xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol]

I know the world’s not fair to you, I’ve got a cure for it’s crimes.

 

Happy Monday everyone. I will say that this week I am actually TOTALLY okay with it being Monday because I am counting down the days until I go see Tegan and Sara on Saturday in Palm Springs!!! So excited!!

Anyway, as happy as I am about this coming weekend, today’s post is going to be a little on the downer side, warning you in advance. Now I know it is silly to try and place blame on things for our own mistakes in life. I am the Queen of blaming everyone else for my misfortunes and it definitely resulted in me being stuck in my rut for far too long. I spent SO MUCH TIME focusing on how much my parents messed me up which led to my decisions in dating which led to being treated like shit by boyfriends which led to my drug addiction and etc. I was so consumed by this that I was literally convinced that I was not the problem. Everyone else was the problem and I was just facing the consequences of their fuck ups.

Although, there is some truth to the idea that parents shape us into the adults we become, and if they aren’t careful then we could end up entering the real world completely unprepared. If we have unresolved issues with our parents this COULD carry over into our romantic relationships and that is never good. However, once you actually get out into the real world, and you begin to experience the negative effects of these things, well then it is all on you to change it. You can’t just sit there and give up saying “oh well it’s all their fault so there is nothing I can do about it”. That is a little childish don’t you think?

Here is my truth: I was so sad about things that happened in my family during my childhood and teen years that I just wanted to escape. My escape was becoming someone else and burying those insecurities and emotions down deep. Because I shifted all of my focus away from myself and my own problems I was never able to fully get a grip on my life, I was too busy focusing on everyone else and their problems, which dragged me even further down. In the end, the people I spent all my energy trying to “save” didn’t need me anymore and I would end up alone all over again, with nothing of my own because all I had done was get them things for themselves. This resulted in me feeling even worse about myself and my life and how my parents never told me how tough and cruel the world can be and I was just hopeless, bla bla bla. Then comes the drugs. SO MANY DRUGS.

Ecstasy, blow, acid, shrooms, painkillers, and my personal favorite meth. All of the others were just temporary distractions. Stuff you party with but none of them really stuck with me or caused me to lose a job or anything. But meth, that one got me in my lowest point, I was basically looking for something to destroy me and I literally didn’t even have to look for it. It came right to me. The whole time I was with my ex boyfriend I was using all of my energy to make him feel like a better person and convince him of how great he was. While at the same time he was slowly but surely manipulating me into thinking I was this terrible person and in the end when he cheated on me that really was the final nail in the coffin. So there I was allowing my world to crumble around me because “what was the point” and BAM someone just offers me this drug. Nothing was ever the same after that.

The entire time I was using I was so numb to everything. I just didn’t care anymore and that was such a relief. In the end I was so tired of living in this miserable life I just wanted it to be over you know? But no matter what I did, and trust me I did some dangerous shit, I still always managed to survive. So here I am today thinking back about all the times I wished I didn’t have to be here anymore…. and I am so happy that I am still here. That is what keeps me going. I let go of all that blame and anger because the truth is that people make mistakes. Parents, children, brothers and sisters. We all do. Life is hard, people suck most of the time, and pretty much NONE of it is ever really going to be fair. But it is like that for EVERYONE. Since I let all of that negativity go my life just started kind of falling into place, I mean yeah I have had to work at it, but it isn’t such a struggle to work at it anymore. It isn’t such a struggle to be happy anymore.

xoxo.

[Currently Listening: Midnight Coward by Stars]

Let it go, let it go… Can’t hold back anymore.

 

Happy Monday everyone! How excited is everyone that the week has started over hmm? Hahaha. Well this blog post is about the movie that everyone cannot stop talking about! Disney’s Frozen.

I just watched it for the first time last night and boy was I impressed. My sister was the one who told me I absolutely HAD to see it. She told me it was about us (sisters) and that it is totally relate-able even if it is supposed to be a kids movie. I couldn’t wait to see it, because number one I love Disney, and number two it is about sisters. Right from the beginning I could see what my sister was talking about because the younger sister has a reddish/brown hair color and freckles (like me) and the older one is blonde (like her). Plus the younger one in the beginning scene is trying to wake her older sister up begging her to play with her (sounds pretty much like our childhood).

frozen3

The older sister keeping herself locked away in her room never wanting to hangout with the younger just brought up traumatic childhood memories of me desperately seeking my sisters attention. Another thing I related to was the younger sisters initial ideas about true love and the older sister completely shutting her down insisting about how unrealistic it is (my sister and I actually had a conversation just like that about a month ago) and I really liked that for once a Disney movie wasn’t pushing the idea that “love at first sight” and getting married right away is something a  young girl should strive for as an adult.

frozenThe whole damsel in distress thing and marrying a stranger is something out of a Carley Rae Jepsen song “Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me maybe”. Like, STOP IT. Hahahaha. It was almost creepy looking back at all my beloved childhood Disney movies and thinking WOW does no one think it is creepy that Sleeping Beauty is being awoken by a “Prince” macking on her? Or what about the fact that The Little Mermaid basically instills the belief that a woman doesn’t even need to use words, just act ditzy and clumsy, oh and be a total looker.

All of these things from past movies were definitely nowhere to be seen in Frozen. The ones that were (like wanting to marry someone you just met) were immediately shut down, and later proven to be the WORST idea ever, and maybe the plain “boy next door” type is not so bad after all. More importantly is the message of family and how no matter WHAT is going on in your life it is important to not shut everyone out. The people who love you cannot help you if they have no idea what is going on, give them a chance to understand, because no one should have to face their inner demons alone.

Oh and chances are, if you do have a little sister, you can try to run to the moon if you want… we will find you and bug you until you agree to come back with us.

frozen2

Seriously all she needs is hazel eyes and she could totally pass for me when I had lighter hair… am I right? She even has the freckles on her nose and shoulders!

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In my sisters days of being platinum when her hair was super blonde this could TOTALLY be her!

In the end, this is definitely at the top of the list of Disney movies, which I am sure most of you had already figured out by all of the hype it has been getting. If you haven’t it yet I really recommend that you do and if you have an older/younger sister be prepared to find similarities in almost every scene. I am extremely thrilled that my sister convinced me to watch this and I am sure I will be watching it many more times.

Hope you all had a great weekend (because I most DEFINITELY did). I got to see the cast of The Originals and The Vampire Diaries up close and personal and let me tell you: they are even HOTTER in person <3  I got an autograph and tons of pictures and it was an unbelievable experience.

Just two more weeks until I get to see Tegan and Sara (is this really my life?) I am so incredibly happy right now I don’t think anything can bring me down. I am so thankful to my friends and family for such great memories we have made and continue to make (already counting down to my vacation to Oregon this summer).

xoxo.

[Currently Watching: Frozen]

 

I should probably feel cheap, but I just feel free, and a little bit empty

TGIF am I right?! This post isn’t going to take up too much of your time because I have a really busy weekend planned and it is starting as soon as work ends!

Okay so if you read the quote on the image above you may have a small inclination of where this is going to go. I relate SO much to that quote, maybe other women reading this do too, and I will explain exactly what I mean by that.

I have lived most of my adult life being this alluring idea to guys. It isn’t that I am conceited or anything because trust me this never really boosted my self esteem. No, what they see isn’t this picture of a girl they want to date, it is a girl they just want to have fun with. Because I seem “fun” or “wild” or “down”. Unfortunately this image frequently made me appealing to the guys who HAD girlfriends. So, I was hit on by guys who were already taken, hence making ME the other woman. And I really hate being the other woman.

In my days of being a young stupid girl I got this notion instilled in my brain that I was somehow “un-dateable” which is why my only option was to be “that girl”. That girl who belonged to no one, who was free to do whatever she wanted, and it didn’t matter who got hurt because she was hurt first. Unfortunately with that responsibility came the burden of reputation to please everyone (and no I don’t mean please like that, get your head out of the gutter). I mean being “that girl” makes you easily disposable and the second you say no it is like you just do not exist. If a friend needed you and you weren’t there then whatever they don’t want to hangout with you. Obviously these people were not your friends but you didn’t know that back then.

I would literally go to sleep every night and wake up every morning with nothing but emptiness. I had nothing of any value, not my dignity, and definitely not my self respect. I could be in a room surrounded by people and feel completely and utterly alone even though I thought I had everything I wanted. I was convinced this was the life I was destined to live and I just had to accept it. For years I had my mind warped this way but I wanted so much more. I wanted to treat people better and I wanted to be treated better. I wanted real friends (which I couldn’t have if I wasn’t a real friend myself).

Ladies, let me tell you something, don’t you EVER let someone make you the other woman. Don’t ever allow yourself to become the other woman by yourself either. that is not a title to wear proudly and trust me I don’t care how hot that guy is, you do not want a man who is willing to cheat. I hate to be the one to tell you this but you are not special, he is cheating because he is a loser, not because there is something about YOU that he has to have.

You belong to no one but yourself. If you find someone you want to share your precious life with then so be it, but do not go stretching yourself thin to make everyone happy, they do not deserve it. And at the end of the day you are the one who ends up with nothing. Do not allow yourself to have nothing, if you want it all, go out there and get it.

Take pride in who you are and do not let anyone or anything make you think that you are anything less than extraordinary. ESPECIALLY not yourself, after all, we are our own worst critic.

xoxo.

[Listening to: Pompeii by Bastille]

This life of yours is 100% your responsibility

Happy Monday everyone! I wanted to start this week’s blog off right with a really positive post. I recently got my tax return from working all year and let me tell you, it was something to be happy about. I worked full time all year and stayed committed to my jobs and it actually paid off. I mean don’t get me wrong, I have gotten a tax return before, but never this high. It really made me feel like I actually did something last year. But before I went and spent it all on useless things like I normally would, I decided to finally start acting like a grown up, so I did. I decided to look into getting a secured credit card to start building my credit back up, and guess what, I got approved for a $500 limit! Not only that but they checked my credit score and even though I won’t share the exact number on here I will say it has raised by over a hundred points since I came home in June. I seriously could not be more thrilled with myself.

The best part about all of this is that since I came home I paid off a pretty expensive ticket, pay for my own gas and car maintenance, and buy my own groceries because I live on my own. At first I was paying a really high rent for just getting back on my feet so I took it upon myself to get a smaller place that is much cheaper so now I am saving way more money. I am finally starting to feel like an adult for once in my life. I have had apartments before (shared with roommates) but that never felt anything like this. It is liberating being all alone doing things without relying on other people and without the fear that someone will take advantage or screw you over. I have collected debts since I was 18 years old and now I am starting to take responsibility for everything and take care of them. I never wanted to admit that any of it was my fault but once I did and started doing what I was supposed to do things actually started looking up.

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Now, I am not trying to be super cliche here, but it is true when people tell you that living your life right you will reap the benefits. I am living proof of that right now. My credit score is climbing higher, I am getting a credit card again, I am living on my own! It is all so amazing! To make things even better I can finally afford to do the things I want to do: I am going to a Q&A for The Vampire Diaries/The Originals on Saturday at the Dolby Theater, I am seeing Tegan & Sara in concert, and taking a vacation with my best friend and siblings over the summer.

It is like I am living in a dream because my whole start to adulthood I swore all of this was impossible for me. I told myself that I would never achieve any of these goals or do any of the things I want to do. Like I wasn’t capable of living a normal life like everyone else in the world. But that is just bullshit I told myself to excuse my erratic behavior. I mean come on, we are SO much smarter and stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We can literally do ANYTHING we set our minds to. I am not trying to preach to all of you of be all sunshine and rainbows, I would be lying if I said this was a walk in the park, and if I said that I didn’t try to give up time and time again. All I am saying is that I am finally seeing the results of my hard work and those dreams I used to have of a “normal” life are actually becoming my reality.

I could not be any happier than I am right now.

xoxo.

[Currently Listening: Closer by Tegan & Sara]

Forget what hurt you in the past. But never forget what it taught you.

Oh Wednesday, how I do adore you, now only two days left of my work week until the weekend. This post is inspired from an unexpected “blast from the past” I encountered recently. Yes, I have written about him quite a bit when this blog first started, but obviously emotions resurfaced and I feel the need to write about him again.

For the sake of privacy I am going to refrain from using his name, but then again, the post isn’t really about him alone. It is about the past in general. You see, the first instinct people have when you bring up someone from your past is to warn you, and tell you it isn’t a good idea to talk to them. And yeah maybe they’re right. Honestly, I do it because no matter how bad a person has hurt me, I will never forget the times when we cared about each other. Thinking about those times doesn’t make me want to run back into his arms, it just makes me happy to have memories of a time where I felt loved, even if in the end I was broken.

7b84376c842c01bac939acbdf9bf03a7So this person contacts me right? What was even more strange was that last week I had a nightmare about him. And I have not thought about this person for a LONG time. Sure, every now and then he crosses my mind, and I ask around about him. But this dream felt SO REAL. I woke up and I text a mutual friend and she agreed it was bizarre but she had not heard anything about him. The feeling stayed with me but I brushed it off. Then a close friend of mine visiting from Las Vegas brought him up, asked me if I ever talked to him and I told her that I don’t even have his phone number, then I told her about the nightmare. The last thing I said to her before the topic of discussion changed was “I just want to know that he is okay. I want to know that he isn’t in trouble and that he is alive somewhere…”

Well, you can imagine how shocked I was to be contacted by him, only a few days later. The conversation wasn’t long and it wasn’t negative nor was it any type of romantic or “I miss you” style of conversation. Just a short, simple exchange of words, “you look well. how have you been.” etc. To be honest it felt SO good to know that he was alive and well I wasn’t even thinking about anything else. Just so relieved that I no longer have to be in my head wondering if he is okay. Obviously my friends voiced their concerns, which I am totally grateful for, extremely lucky to have such caring friends to look out for me. But I really think that this was a good thing, I feel like the universe could feel me struggling with this unresolved issue of guilt and worry so it just gave me something that I needed. And honestly despite everything this guy was my best friend for like three years. So yeah I care about his well being.

Anyways, my point in all of this is that I do feel the past should stay the past, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to miss people or think about them. You shouldn’t feel bad for being concerned about someone that you haven’t heard anything about for a long time. To me, that is just being human, if no one had heard from someone you all used to know for months I think it would be weird if you didn’t think about it. And if that person reaches out to you but you feel like you wont be able to handle opening that door to communication then don’t respond. It is all about you and what you are comfortable with. But, if you think you are in a place where a quick conversation isn’t going to send you in a downward spiral, then go ahead and talk to them. You know you will regret it if you don’t anyway.

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xoxo.

[Currently Listening: Feel it in My Bones by Tegan and Sara]

I am not saying I’m super popular, but….

Ugh, is it really Monday already?!?! I feel like the weekend just flew right by me. This weekend was pretty mellow, I really didn’t do much, but my childhood friend Natalie was in town from Vegas so I spent all my time with her. Crazy how time can totally pass you by and you won’t even talk to a specific friend for SO long but when you see them it’s literally as if you just saw them a week ago. I love friendships like that. But seriously enough of my rambling totally off topic, let’s get on with it, shall we?

So if you cannot already tell what this post is going to be about by the picture above then don’t worry I will be explaining it in full detail. Although I am pretty sure most of you can guess where I will be taking this, or at least have an idea of some sort, am I right? Yeah. So here’s the thing: I love my cell phone. I really, really do. But I really don’t love it enough to have it sit in my hand for an extended period of time so I can have a text conversation for however long. I mean, I do have other things to do, as shocking as it is, I am not a TOTAL loser. And yeah, maybe those things don’t consist of anything above doing laundry or watching netflix, but they are things nonetheless! I just cannot stand those people who say “well it is just texting it isn’t like I have you on the phone you should be able to multitask”. Actually, no, it is not easy to text you while I am sorting through clothes or doing my hair. I would actually be easier to talk on the phone because then I could have you on speaker. But even then I probably wouldn’t be able to hear you very clearly, what with the washer going or the blow dryer, so it is most likely a better choice to just catch up when I am NOT BUSY.

And seriously, during my shows, are you joking? I get it if you don’t know I am watching my show. So you ask me what I’m doing, and I say I’m watching my show, then you continue on with the conversation about either A) what is happening in the show or B) a topic which is completely unrelated to the show I am currently watching. Both options are equally annoying, TRUST ME. Although I know that it may only take a few seconds for me to glance down to read your text and send a quick/witty response back and it really shouldn’t be that big of a deal. However, in that second that I was not paying attention, someone on my show could have gotten attacked, or pregnant, or died, or gotten injected with some crazy virus, I mean SO MANY THINGS could happen in that few seconds!

Now we get to the part where you are all thinking “well Kara, why don’t you just not text back?” Good question. Why don’t I just ignore the texts until a more convenient time hmm? I will tell you why. Because I am a total weirdo and there is something in my DNA that makes me feel like a total JERK by not responding. Even though the person probably assumes I am busy and knows I will text back when I can, I am still sitting there thinking of the person who texted me expecting a response and I just can’t bear to leave them hanging! It is a lot of pressure and I think the solution is honestly just to take a break from the communication for a bit. I mean really there is no reason to text people all day every day is there?

I am sure my sister is going to think this is about her, and it isn’t about anyone in particular, to be honest a lot of my friends text and call me very frequently. Not to sound like everyone is just DYING to talk to me all the time, but yeah for some reason I get a lot of texts and calls, and I gotta say I am just not into the constant communication. When I get home I am having my alone time you know? I am relaxing and winding down after my work day. I don’t want to have to have conversations with people. Sometimes I just wanna be alone without worrying if someone is waiting for a response or not. I think everyone should start spending more time without texting and calling their friends unless they REALLY have something to say. Like if you want to make plans, or if something happened and you want to share the story, those are good reasons for texting or calling.

#ComminicationWithPurpose

xoxo.

[Currently Listening: I Was a Fool by Tegan & Sara]

Being comfortable in your own skin doesn’t mean you have to show so much of it.

Well hello everyone and happy… Tuesday? Hahaha. Hey at least it’s not still Monday though right? I know I kind of already wrote a post in regards to ladies and being classy and etc. I got the idea to revisit the topic today when a discussion came about based on some frequent Facebook posts of girls have naked with crazy colors in their hair covered in tattoos. I made a comment in regards to the girls in the photos and referred to them as “trashy” and I was instantly responded to with the defense of “Tattoos do not make them trashy, it is what is underneath that matters, and they should not be faulted for being comfortable in their own skin”.

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First, I would like to make one thing clear, I in no way think having tattoos makes you trashy. I have eight tattoos for crying out loud! So if I were to call girls trashy for having tattoos I would only be calling myself trashy… which I would never do. Second, obviously what lies underneath the aesthetically pleasing look is always more important than what you see on the surface, but in this case none of us know what type of personalities these girls have therefore we can only comment on what we see. Third and final point, I really do not see how anyone could define posing in photos naked or wearing skanky outfits, as being comfortable in their own skin.

I feel that showing so much skin is the absolute OPPOSITE of being comfortable with themselves. I see that as being extremely insecure with an obvious need for some sort of validation so they jump to the easiest way to get it which is for their body (duh, that’s why so many girls sleep around when they get dumped or when they have “daddy issues”). But of course a guy would see that as being comfortable in their own skin, they have no idea what its like to be a girl, they see it is as being a strong confident woman to put themselves out there naked for the world to see.

38bc1d254241aa7e8992c4f09ccfbf1aI mean honestly I do not judge these girls for what they do. To me they are just lost, I know that at some point they will find their way, and sometimes they don’t but that just makes me sad not judgmental. Take a look at the playboy models… they are all SO fake. Fake breasts, fake lips, fake tan, fake hair, etc. How on earth does changing the way you look and publishing it in a magazine portray being “comfortable” with who they are? And the Suicide Girls (with whom I am referring to in the above Facebook post discussion) most of them are just representing an image for people who like that style to look at. Crazy colors in their hair, tattoos, piercings, and barely any clothes. They aren’t doing it for themselves they are doing it for other people. I must say though the title is very fitting, seeing as they are exactly that, Girls.

No woman feels the need to expose herself to the world to prove her confidence or pride in her body. Real women know that sex appeal isn’t in the lack of clothes you wear it is the way you carry yourself. Just look at the differences between the two icons Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn. Yeah, maybe more guys thought Marilyn was sexier, but remember how sad she was? Remember how she died? Audrey lived a full life of not only making movies but helping the less fortunate. She is a true definition of class and I doubt she was ever disrespected by a man.

Elegance is not about being noticed, it’s about being remembered.”

 

xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson

The only way to be turned off to being famous… is to be famous.

Happy Monday everyone. I know no one likes the start of a new work week but hopefully it will go by fast! Today was just like any other day, which means I spent most of it on twitter, which inspired this blog post.

As I browse through today’s tweets from the Celebrities I follow I noticed something that left me a little curious. These famous people have like thousands, some of them even millions, of followers on twitter. They tweet something and get like a BILLION comments from total strangers around the world. Now obviously that is their fan base and their is nothing wrong with that, however, it is still a little bit intense.

For example: Justin Bieber tweets something and within seconds has 13k comments. And not just any old comments either… CRAZY things like how much they love him, would die for him, and etc. When I say love I don’t mean normal fan love, I mean they LITERALLY think they are in love with him, and live their life just wishing for him to follow them on Twitter.

Now I know what you are all thinking. Who cares right? They’re famous, they make millions of dollars off of these people, they probably love the attention. What got me so curious was wondering if they really do enjoy it or if sometimes it kind of freaks them 3ca18beb3d71dab06c6789cea055f305out. I put myself in that position and think “yeah it would be cool to be in movies or sing on stage, inspire people and make a difference in some lives” I mean who wouldn’t want a little bit of that in their life? But then I think about sitting down at my computer and checking my twitter to see 13k comments similar to the ones I listed above. I honestly think I would be kind of freaked out. All the body guards in the world wouldn’t make me feel safe from some of the die hard fans out there that would literally do anything for a chance to touch me. No Thank You.

Here is an even better example of the pressures of fame: Harry Potter. Yeah, yeah, I know he is a fictional character. Doesn’t make it any less true. He was famous ever since he was a baby and he grew up living with the heavy burden of having to prove himself and never let anyone down. He had people who wanted to destroy him, people who envied him, and people who were jealous of him. Obviously there was more to the story than that but you get where I am going with this. Harry Potter definitely had a more stressful life being famous than if he was never famous at all.

xoxo.

[Currently Watching: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix]

This is where I draw the line…

Happy Friday everyone. I am so looking forward to this weekend it is not even funny. Last night my Law Office went bowling and it was so much fun but ended up being kind of a late night so I am exhausted.

For today’s post I wanted to write on the subject of “personal space” and boundaries. I am not sure how those of you out there feel about this but as far as I am concerned I definitely like my space. I am not sure if it is due to the fact that for SO long I w as dependent on my boyfriend, or men in general, to make me feel safe and secure. Or if it is because I am finally stable and on my own in my own place without having to share it with anyone. Whatever the reason may be, I have grown accustomed to going home to an empty house, and sleeping in a bed all alone.

So, when it does come time to share that space again, I am definitely NOT a “cuddle while we sleep” kind of girl. It isn’t that I don’t enjoy cuddling, I do, just in the appropriate times. I just have enough trouble sleeping as it is what with my insomnia and etc. that I really don’t need any more discomfort added to the mix. And I am sorry but I do not find being unable to adjust or breathe while I sleep comfortable AT ALL. I like to sleep how I like to live: Free and Independent. Yes I have run into problems concerning this issue with guys I have dated. For instance, I know some of my actions in a relationship make me appear cold or uninterested, but that really isn’t the case.

I guess another huge part of it is the whole concept of Trust. I mean there is just no way I am going to invite someone into my personal sanctuary unless I know for sure that they are not someone that is going to peace out after a week or two. My home is my safe place you know? It is my comfort zone and I am not about to allow someone to invade it and tarnish it with negative energy so that I can constantly be reminded of how I was totally lied to or cheated on or used for a one night stand…. do you see where I am going with this?

So yeah I am very particular about who I invite in and who I share my bed with but I am okay with that because at the end of the day, when I get home from a long day at work, I sit on my bed and I am so calm and comfortable in my home. I just refuse to let someone ruin that.

“Don’t ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up” -Robert Frost

xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: Relief Next to Me by Tegan and Sara]