The Night We Met

I’m back! I know it has been forever and I am going to do my best to make that a thing of the past. I have missed this so much and definitely feel it is in my best interest to keep up with it.

Tonight I am writing about a very personal subject. You know, I am not someone who really NEEDS to be surrounded by people. Most of my life I have had periods where I had a solid group of friends and then periods of hardly any. I never really preferred either more than the other, obviously friends are great, but so is quality time alone. I was neutral.

Then I met a group of the most kind, compassionate, hilarious group of weirdos I have ever met. Just like that, my life was changed forever. The best part was that not one of us was really like the other. We came from different places with different interests and completely different personalities. But it just worked. Almost effortlessly.

I say almost, because at first it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, it was actually awkward and uncomfortable. Everyone was in their own head dealing with their own shit. No one was concerned with getting close to any one, in fact, I am pretty sure everyone was trying to do the opposite. Keeping their heads down, polite conversations here and there, maybe a shared laugh on the smokers patio after breakfast. Nothing out of the ordinary of people sharing a living space. Then I came along.

Now, I am not trying to sound conceited, I didn’t do anything that any other person couldn’t do. I just have a natural talent for talking incessantly to people until they’re forced to engage with me. I think people usually just get so sick of hearing my voice they decide there is no harm in participating in the conversation. Whatever the reason may be, it fucking works, and before you know it everyone is talking to each other. Just writing about it right now puts a smile on my face.

So, where there was once a group of strangers, there is now a group of friends. People who would listen to someone vent for over an hour about a comment they heard made about their dog. People who would struggle to catch their breath during a game of Taboo, because one of them thought the word Geyser said Geisha, so their hint was “Asian”. People who would play round after round of “Never Have I Ever” without judging one single person for the fingers they put down. People who would spend an evening sharing hopes, memories, and tears when they had to say goodbye.

Never in my life have I ever felt like I belonged anywhere. I have moved from one place to another, in search of something I could never describe, only to end up with nothing every single time. Today, I can finally say, I found what I’ve been looking for. A place where I belong. You see, a place doesn’t have to be a location, or a building, it can be anywhere you feel at home. And with this group of beautiful weirdos, I was home.

This Post is dedicated to:

The Island of Misfit Toys.

<3

Advertisements

It’s like you’re homesick for a place that no longer exists

 

Good evening everyone. I know it has been a while, I have been without a laptop for some time, plus I finally got a job and it has been SUPER busy at work.

Today’s post was inspired by the lovely film Garden State. I would like to start off by saying that this movie was such an important movie in my life. It was the first indie film I ever saw and back then I always wondered why it affected me so much. There was nothing really that relate-able about it, besides family issues I guess, which everyone can really relate to right?

Recently I watched this movie again for the first time in a while. It has been about 9 years since the movie came out, which if you have seen it you know that it has been 9 years since Zach Braff’s character has been home, and he is going for his mom’s funeral. His mom had drowned in the bathtub, and as most of you know my mom recently passed away, also by drowning in the bathtub. I thought it really odd that 9 years after I first saw the film my mom passed away in the same manner as his character in the film, and that he is trying to connect with himself after feeling numb for so long, which is what I have recently been dealing with also. Also, his relationship with his father is a struggle as is mine, communication wise, it is all very similar.

This really got to me because as I said earlier I always wondered why I connected with the film so much and then fast forward 9 years and I feel exactly like his character. Especially when he says this quote:

You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone. You’ll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it’s gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It’s like you feel homesick for a place that doesn’t even exist. Maybe it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it’s like a cycle or something. I don’t know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that’s all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.”

If you haven’t seen the movie I highly recommend that you do, it is definitely a MUST SEE movie.

 

xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: I’ll Show You by Justin Beiber]

 

I’ve got my mouth. It’s a weapon. It’s a bombshell. It’s a cannon. I’ve got my words. I won’t give mercy

 

Hello everyone! So yeah it has been so long since I’ve written and I apologize for that. Unfortunately some personal matters came up about my blog and I took a break trying to resolve the issues. But I have decided that I love this blog and I am not doing anything on it to offend anyone so why should I stop?

For today’s post I wanted to discuss influences. People who influence us to do things during our life, like role models or even negative opinions. It takes a lot to stand up for what you truly believe in especially if you have people close to you trying to hold you back. It could be friends or lovers doing it out of jealousy or even family members who are so insistent on you being a certain way that they cannot help but try to control your every move. I am not saying I don’t appreciate people who care about me trying to do what they think is best, but at the end of the day I am who I am and I cannot change that.

They say in life you cannot truly love someone until you learn to love yourself. I find that confusing when so many try to tell me who I am and what I should be doing. How am I ever going to love who I am if so many people are telling me who to be? I get so frustrated with this situation it makes me want to scream. How is it that people who love you can disagree with what makes you, you? I didn’t choose to be this way, I can assure you that when I look at others graduating college and starting a career, it makes me wish I had done something similar. But I didn’t. I chose to live the life I have and I don’t regret it. It is just so upsetting when people who are different choose to go against it because they just don’t understand. We cannot all be the same I mean how boring would that be? Who wants to live in a world where everyone is the same and no one disagrees? And more importantly is how can you be so sure that what people are telling you is the right thing to do? I don’t know about all of you but it’s hard for me to trust someone who cannot love and accept me for who I am.

I am 27 years old and I love Harry Potter. That’s right, I absolutely love it, and in my head I still like to believe that something like that exists. I love to write and paint even though it is not making me any money right now. I’m an unconventional type of girl who doesn’t live my life at the hands of a man hoping to be married with tons of babies before I’m 30. I am a free spirit and I go wherever my path leads and sometimes I don’t know where that is. But wherever I end up all I can do is figure it all out as I go along. And that is okay with me. I don’t need a plan or an agenda I just need to live. Isn’t that the point of all of this anyway? To live?

It it feels good to be back.

Xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: Fighting for Nothing By Meg & Dia]

I’m so scared that I’ll never get put back together

 

Good evening everyone. I was listening to my music on shuffle when the song “Bent” came on by Matchbox Twenty. Not only do I just LOVE that song but the lyrics are just so relateable I felt the urge to blog about it.

I am sure most of you have heard the song but just in case you havent (or maybe you need a refresher) I will include one of the verses for you:

Shouldn’t be so complicated. Just hold me and then, hold me again. Can you help me I’m bent, I’m so scared that I’ll never get put back together. Keep breakin me in and this is how we will end, with you and me, bent.”

I am sure everyone can relate when it comes to a relationship that completely takes everything from you. So much that in the end you are afraid to move on and date anyone else because a part of you feels missing, like your ex took it with them, when the relationship ended.

This song to me sounds like the person meets someone new but before anything gets serious asks them if they can help fix what was broken by their last relationship. Of course it is not anyone else’s responsibility to take care of you or make everything better but what the artist is saying does make sesne, it shouldn’t be so difficult, your heart is broken why wouldn’t being loved by someone new repair it?

It might not be easy but I do believe that it is up to us to repair our broken hearts and I also think that the next person to love you definitely plays their part in putting all the pieces back together <3

xoxo

[Currently Listening to: Torn by The Fire and the Sea]

For you I’d break these walls, I’d choose to fall, I’m gonna cross that line for you.

 

Hello everyone! I know its been far too long since my last post and I definitely have an explanation. See I purchased a domain name and I’m in the process of making that transition so my blog can have its official website URL. On top of that I’m in school again and still working full time (also trying to maintain a life) I think you all catch my drift.

For today’s  post I wanted to touch on the subject of sleeping with your exes. We all know it’s a grey area when it comes to an ex boyfriend or girlfriend, it is the last person you felt comfortable with, and we all love regressing to what is comfortable. But here is the question: is it crossing a line to go back to an ex for physical purposes? Obviously I say it is not the best idea to go back to an ex and give the relationship another go (let’s be honest they are an EX for a reason) but what is the REAL harm in getting what you both need without any strings attached.

Only problem with the whole “no strings” is that they are your ex so emotional attachment is BOUND to be there no matter how “over” them you claim to be. So there is an issue right there. UNLESS you are able to get this taken care of in the form of “closure”…. You know what I mean by that, where there is that tiny unresolved piece from your past relationship, and you just can’t quite figure out how to take care of it and let them go. So you sleep with them and *poof* like magic you feel NOTHING and you are finally able to move on with your life.

We are all guilty of harboring feelings for an old flame and there is nothing wrong with it. The truth is that sometimes you never really get over them until you repair yourself from what they broke in you and give the fully restored version to the next one who will be the next chapter in your life. Most people prefer to erase that person completely and forget that part of their life ever happened in order to fix themselves and move on. And you know what if that works for you then so be it.

Others prefer to have that “one last time” moment with their ex. Just like a great book that you couldn’t ever put down, because the story was so captivating it engulfed you in every page, sometimes you want to go back and re-read it one more time. Not because you think the ending will change but because you remember how good you felt while you read it. And even if  the story doesn’t go on forever, and you know it still ends the same, it is still worth the read. Because you loved it that much.

xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: Cross That Line by Joshua Radin]

Love is only a great thing because we know what it feels like to have our heart broken… What it feels like to be alone.

 

Good morning everyone and hello Saturday! It has been a few days I know, I had a friend visiting from Las Vegas, and it was hard enough to balance time between work and showing her around that blogging was just not an option.

On my last post I received such a lovely comment by an anonymous reader. In the comment he shared with me of a current predicament he is having about his ex girlfriend. He said that they dated for 3 years and in the end he was unhappy in the relationship and was okay with it being over. Now, years later, she is with a new guy and just had a baby. This brought past feelings back up it the surface and has left him upset and confused. He then requested I write a post about lessons you can learn from your exes/past relationships and/or what to do when these old feelings come resurface for no reason at all. So, I want to say thank you for the kind compliments on my writing and for being a dedicated reader, and I hope today’s post gives you the help you are seeking.

To start out, I know that everyone has been in this position at least once in their life, it’s like a right of passage or something to see the one you used to be happy with, happy with someone else. Especially nowadays with social media sites and etc… It’s even easier to causally stumble upon a picture or comment showing you a glimpse of what they’re up to and who they’re dating. It’s pretty much torture. But still we all do it to ourselves time and time again. Even if we don’t go looking for it we still end up hearing it from mutual friends so we really have no way of escaping that inevitable “feels like I just got punched in the stomach” moment. So obviously if you just broke up like barely a month ago and they have already moved on then that totally sucks and there is no questioning why you’re upset about them dating already. But if it’s been like years and you’ve already had closure and dealt with the breakup, then seeing your ex getting married or something stirs your emotions up, that’s when you might ask the question “wtf why do I even care?!”

When the reader came to me with this problem he asked for help because he didn’t understand why he was feeling this way. So many people have this thought process when it comes to ex girlfriends/boyfriends and I think it’s a defense mechanism to ensure they won’t be hurt by the breakup any longer than they absolutely have to. But people often convince themselves that once they are “over it” (meaning no longer thinking of them, texting them, talking about them, etc) they become invincible to being affected by anything associated with that ex. So, they see their ex announcing their wedding or baby or any other life event that may catch their eye, they get that rush of emotions and they’re like “I don’t understand. I’m over them.” And etc… Well here’s a news flash for all of you: deep down you do understand. You may not see it in that moment or maybe your pride is preventing you from admitting it to yourself but you know those feelings NEVER go away. I mean if you spent a significant amount of your life with that person then it doesn’t matter how long it’s been or how okay you are being broken up.

Sometimes things don’t work out between people and it’s nobody’s fault”

There will always be those certain moments when you see something in their life and the wheels in your head start to turn with all of the “what if’s”. What if you stayed together? Would it have worked out? Would you two be planning a wedding or expecting a baby? Maybe these exact questions aren’t running through your mind but your emotional reaction may as we’ll be those questions translated into that “feeling in the pit of your stomach”. Most of the time it’s not even really about them, it’s really your own insecurities being cloaked by the idea that you want them back, emotions can be super tricky sometimes. You could be at a point where you’re wanting to settle down yourself and you just haven’t met “the one” yet, and you see the last important person in your life doing these things, so even though you want to be happy for them you cannot help but dwell on the idea that it “should be you”.

As far as your question goes, what to do when this situation arises and what lessons can be learned from your ex, well the answers sort of go hand in hand. You sit back and you remind yourself of how lucky you are to have loved someone that much, so much that you STILL get knots in your stomach when you see them living their life with someone else, some people don’t even come close. So instead of spending your time dwelling on the past or feeling sad and alone, focus on how good it was to know what being loved feels like, and the confidence that you will definitely feel it again when you meet the right person.

Well yeah, I’m sad, but at the same time I’m really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It’s like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, I guess what I’m feeling is like a, beautiful sadness.

xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: Radio by Alkaline Trio]

Finally you have found someone perfect.

Hello everyone. I am not sure if you can guess the subject of today’s post by the title/photo but it is something that has come up in quite a few conversations lately so I figured I would write about it.

Marriage. I believe I wrote a post a while back about this adorable married couple I know and the insight I got from them on how to make it work and etc. So, lately I have been having these discussions with my sister, and she believes that I am totally living in some fantasy world. You see, despite what it may seem like from reading my blog, I am actually not a cynical person when it comes to love. Oh boy do I believe in love. I mean REALLY believe in it. The whole boy meets girl, boy and girl fall madly in love, get married and start a family… you know how the story goes. And why shouldn’t it go like that? Is it that hard to fathom that there is someone out there that is just perfect for you and when you meet him you just know? I am not completely unrealistic, I know that there is more to marriage than just love and I know that love isn’t always enough, trust me I know that. But that doesn’t mean that love isn’t a huge part of it. If anything I believe that love is like, the MAIN part of it… right?

Now my sister seems to think that because of my “fantasy” that I am living in I will have a very difficult time settling down and getting married. She says this because she believes that marriage is a business deal and the whole purpose is to find someone who will be a good husband to me and a good father to our children (when that time comes). He will be someone who will love our children and take care of us the way we need to be taken care of. That doesn’t mean I don’t need to have a job or whatever it isn’t all about finances but just in the grand scheme of things he is the right guy for the task at hand. When she said this I told her I don’t think that is how it is, I feel that if I don’t marry for love then I will wake up one day full of regret and unhappiness and want to leave him, and my biggest fear of marriage is to follow in my parents footsteps and raise my hypothetical children in a broken home. Her response to this was: “You know what you do when you wake up unhappy and want to leave? You get up, you go and play with your kids that you had with this man, you think about how good he is to those kids, and then you go to sleep. Because chances are those feelings will pass by the time you wake up”. Yeah… that is the wisdom I get from my older sister ha ha.

So who knows, maybe my ideals on love and marriage will make me actually achieving them difficult, I suppose only time will tell. All I know is that I would rather live my entire life alone than marry someone just because it was the “logical” thing to do. I don’t need some whimsical romance to sweep me off my feet like in the movies but it that much to ask to actually connect with someone and just get lost in it? I mean yeah I want to be smart about it, I want us to have careers, and I want us to be able to build a life together comfortably. But can’t you have that and be in love?

Anyway, for now, I love the fairytale I am living in. There may not be a knight in shining armor just yet, but that’s okay, I am all the hero I need at the moment.

xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: Hard to Concentrate by Red Hot Chili Peppers]

Friends are like Uggs… No one wants the fake ones!

Oh hello Tuesday (even though it feels like Monday). I was out sick yesterday so my week is already off to a weird start while I get my days confused and TV showtimes mixed up LOL! I hope everyone had a good weekend, mine was pretty mellow considering, I know most of you went to Stagecoach so that is exciting!! I was actually supposed to go to that (I know shocking because I am not a huge country music fan) but my best friend was going so my dad surprised me with a ticket which was pretty cool. Unfortunately the place she was staying didn’t have enough room for one more person. Oh well, there is always next year, probably best to save money anyways since I am planning an EPIC Vegas trip!

Anyways, I decided to dedicate this blog post to friendship, because I have been so fortunate throughout my life with the friends I have made. However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t had my run ins with a few bitches along the way, as I am sure most of you have as well. Here is my biggest pet peeve when it comes to being friends with girls: why do you always gotta lash out against one another? I mean in reality we should be on the same team. We are women, there is nothing more powerful and beautiful than that, united we can do pretty much anything. When we fight and talk shit about each other that is when we are at our weakest and of course the opposite sex can EASILY take advantage. I have been in more than one situation like that in my life and trust me when I say that guys will always pin girls against each other because we are weaker when we stand alone. #TrueStory.

Me, I absolutely LOVE having friends that are girls, we are so much fun! I cherish the friendships I have had all of these years and can proudly say that I have kept almost all of them in good standing the entire length of the friendship (minus a few bumps here and there). I was just speaking on the phone to my friend Bekah last night about how we met and you are gonna love this story. I was living in Vegas and had only been there a few months so I would always go into this bar Blue Martini to visit my friend Natalie while she was working. There was a guy bartender there that I thought was really cute so I would always go hang out at his bar and flirt with him (typical) but tonight I noticed there were two girls sitting right there where he was working. Now I am not a bitch, contrary to popular belief, so I decided to introduce myself to the girls. One of them really had a story to tell. I mean this girl was talking my EAR OFF. She was very nice and everything but it was just a lot to take in. Somewhere inside the stories she was telling she let slip that they came to that bar to see the bartender because her friend Bekah had a crush on him, that is when I was introduced to her friend, and at the end of the night we ended up exchanging numbers. Over a year later and she is one of my best friends, I seriously love her to death and have been through so much with her, and we met going after the same guy. Shocking right?

When you think about it though it actually isn’t that shocking. We bonded over the fact that we both thought the same guy was hot and that he happened to be a total tool. We weren’t trying to fight for him we were actually more satisfied with the friendship we gained from each other than a crappy one night stand with some asshole. That is how I approach most situations with my friends. I will NEVER put a guy first it just isn’t who I am. Because at the end of the day that guy could leave you or cheat on you or you could end on peaceful terms, either way you are going to want that friend by your side. I think when it comes to friendship the main factor that keeps it together is selflessness. Because let’s face it, you are going to have to listen to your friend bitch and cry and talk shit, even if you are having a crappy day. It is their turn then it is your turn. Sometimes vice versa.

There is just no way a friendship is going to last if you think the world is all about you and you expect your friends to constantly listen to you and be there for you if you do not reciprocate. I mean the same thing goes in a relationship too right? You’re not going to want to date someone who demands everything from you and gives nothing in return are you? Didn’t think so. So here is a reality check: I am not a bitch, but I also do not surround myself with selfish people who believe the world caters to them, those people carry bad energy that I do not care for. I have been through some shit, no worse than anyone else’s shit, but shit nonetheless. So forgive me for not choosing to stand by and allow people to treat myself and others that I care about as if they live to serve these so-called “friends”. I give tons of second chances and everyone knows that about me, but I only do it for those who truly meant something to me, and who I believe actually deserve it. If you haven’t shown me the same amount of respect and time that I feel a friendship deserves, then you can expect to no longer see me as your friend, and that is just how it is.

Now I know we are adults and this is not High School with the Myspace Top 8 and the “you can’t sit with us” bullshit. But whatever the age these things still become a problem and they still matter. I hate to admit it, and yes maybe it is because I am a girl, but that is just the way it is. So if you are a female out there and you are reading this: CHERISH YOUR FRIENDS. They deserve it. No one will be there for you like they have been and will be. And if you have a shitty friend who basically expects to always be a top priority in your life but has no problem shoving you aside in their own, then repeat after me:

“You’re Basic, Bye!”

xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: Fuel to Fire by Agnes Obel]

Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine, and we’ll walk from this dark room for the last time.

 

Hello everyone and happy Tuesday. I apologize for taking so long to write but my weekend was just SO busy! I went out of town for a Tegan and Sara concert (which was absolutely divine) and yesterday I was just too exhausted to even consider writing anything.

I was having some serious writers block all day today trying to decide what I should write about. I considered reliving the events from my weekend but I posted them all over my Facebook and Instagram and didn’t want to do that to everyone again hahaha. So as I was sitting here at my desk thinking I should just give up and try again tomorrow, my best friend send me a text bringing up a random thing from my past, which also came up in her past. This sparked my mind into thinking maybe I should write about this… Now obviously I do not want to write about the exact situation that went on (for her privacy and my own) but perhaps I can write about the general idea and still get the point across.

We all do things in our lives that we regret. Maybe we don’t regret them but at some point they pop into our heads and we think “what if”. If we aren’t careful these trips down memory lane can take us to a very dark place making it very hard to find our way out. We are all human so we are all guilty of doing this, whether it be about a boy/girl we broke up with, or even a fight with a friend/family member. The biggest problem we all have is moving forward from things that we have either done to ourselves or to the ones we love. The guilt just swallows us whole and we blame ourselves and everyone around us until we just cannot fathom ever being able to recover. The idea of forgiving ourselves for what we have done is almost impossible to grasp and we begin to enjoy living every different scenario we can dream up of how things could have been had we not done what we are wishing we hadn’t.

Nothing good can come from this darkness. I am not saying that you will drink or do drugs or whatever. I am saying in general, even if you are doing no form of self medicating, it is still very unhealthy to dwell in past mistakes. We cannot always get things right the first time that is just not how the world works unfortunately. Trust me, when I think about this one thing in my past, and where I could possibly be had I done things different, the possibilities can go on forever. But the point is that I didn’t do things different. I am where I am today because of all sorts of things, all having to do with me, not necessarily having to do with this one thing that I wish had gone a different direction. Who knows, what if I had done things differently back then, and ended up miserable right now. There is no way of knowing which is why there is no way to turn back the clock and do things over. What’s done is done. All we can do is continue growing and learning and the next time we land ourselves in the same situation hopefully we are able to do things differently.

I think about this certain memory quite often, and I doubt I will ever stop thinking about it, but I am okay with that. I don’t ever want to forget it no matter how sad it makes me when it does cross my mind. The truth is, I like being able to feel things, even if it’s sadness and regret. It just reminds me that I’m alive.

xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol]

Let it go, let it go… Can’t hold back anymore.

 

Happy Monday everyone! How excited is everyone that the week has started over hmm? Hahaha. Well this blog post is about the movie that everyone cannot stop talking about! Disney’s Frozen.

I just watched it for the first time last night and boy was I impressed. My sister was the one who told me I absolutely HAD to see it. She told me it was about us (sisters) and that it is totally relate-able even if it is supposed to be a kids movie. I couldn’t wait to see it, because number one I love Disney, and number two it is about sisters. Right from the beginning I could see what my sister was talking about because the younger sister has a reddish/brown hair color and freckles (like me) and the older one is blonde (like her). Plus the younger one in the beginning scene is trying to wake her older sister up begging her to play with her (sounds pretty much like our childhood).

frozen3

The older sister keeping herself locked away in her room never wanting to hangout with the younger just brought up traumatic childhood memories of me desperately seeking my sisters attention. Another thing I related to was the younger sisters initial ideas about true love and the older sister completely shutting her down insisting about how unrealistic it is (my sister and I actually had a conversation just like that about a month ago) and I really liked that for once a Disney movie wasn’t pushing the idea that “love at first sight” and getting married right away is something a  young girl should strive for as an adult.

frozenThe whole damsel in distress thing and marrying a stranger is something out of a Carley Rae Jepsen song “Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me maybe”. Like, STOP IT. Hahahaha. It was almost creepy looking back at all my beloved childhood Disney movies and thinking WOW does no one think it is creepy that Sleeping Beauty is being awoken by a “Prince” macking on her? Or what about the fact that The Little Mermaid basically instills the belief that a woman doesn’t even need to use words, just act ditzy and clumsy, oh and be a total looker.

All of these things from past movies were definitely nowhere to be seen in Frozen. The ones that were (like wanting to marry someone you just met) were immediately shut down, and later proven to be the WORST idea ever, and maybe the plain “boy next door” type is not so bad after all. More importantly is the message of family and how no matter WHAT is going on in your life it is important to not shut everyone out. The people who love you cannot help you if they have no idea what is going on, give them a chance to understand, because no one should have to face their inner demons alone.

Oh and chances are, if you do have a little sister, you can try to run to the moon if you want… we will find you and bug you until you agree to come back with us.

frozen2

Seriously all she needs is hazel eyes and she could totally pass for me when I had lighter hair… am I right? She even has the freckles on her nose and shoulders!

frozen4

In my sisters days of being platinum when her hair was super blonde this could TOTALLY be her!

In the end, this is definitely at the top of the list of Disney movies, which I am sure most of you had already figured out by all of the hype it has been getting. If you haven’t it yet I really recommend that you do and if you have an older/younger sister be prepared to find similarities in almost every scene. I am extremely thrilled that my sister convinced me to watch this and I am sure I will be watching it many more times.

Hope you all had a great weekend (because I most DEFINITELY did). I got to see the cast of The Originals and The Vampire Diaries up close and personal and let me tell you: they are even HOTTER in person <3  I got an autograph and tons of pictures and it was an unbelievable experience.

Just two more weeks until I get to see Tegan and Sara (is this really my life?) I am so incredibly happy right now I don’t think anything can bring me down. I am so thankful to my friends and family for such great memories we have made and continue to make (already counting down to my vacation to Oregon this summer).

xoxo.

[Currently Watching: Frozen]

 

Forget what hurt you in the past. But never forget what it taught you.

Oh Wednesday, how I do adore you, now only two days left of my work week until the weekend. This post is inspired from an unexpected “blast from the past” I encountered recently. Yes, I have written about him quite a bit when this blog first started, but obviously emotions resurfaced and I feel the need to write about him again.

For the sake of privacy I am going to refrain from using his name, but then again, the post isn’t really about him alone. It is about the past in general. You see, the first instinct people have when you bring up someone from your past is to warn you, and tell you it isn’t a good idea to talk to them. And yeah maybe they’re right. Honestly, I do it because no matter how bad a person has hurt me, I will never forget the times when we cared about each other. Thinking about those times doesn’t make me want to run back into his arms, it just makes me happy to have memories of a time where I felt loved, even if in the end I was broken.

7b84376c842c01bac939acbdf9bf03a7So this person contacts me right? What was even more strange was that last week I had a nightmare about him. And I have not thought about this person for a LONG time. Sure, every now and then he crosses my mind, and I ask around about him. But this dream felt SO REAL. I woke up and I text a mutual friend and she agreed it was bizarre but she had not heard anything about him. The feeling stayed with me but I brushed it off. Then a close friend of mine visiting from Las Vegas brought him up, asked me if I ever talked to him and I told her that I don’t even have his phone number, then I told her about the nightmare. The last thing I said to her before the topic of discussion changed was “I just want to know that he is okay. I want to know that he isn’t in trouble and that he is alive somewhere…”

Well, you can imagine how shocked I was to be contacted by him, only a few days later. The conversation wasn’t long and it wasn’t negative nor was it any type of romantic or “I miss you” style of conversation. Just a short, simple exchange of words, “you look well. how have you been.” etc. To be honest it felt SO good to know that he was alive and well I wasn’t even thinking about anything else. Just so relieved that I no longer have to be in my head wondering if he is okay. Obviously my friends voiced their concerns, which I am totally grateful for, extremely lucky to have such caring friends to look out for me. But I really think that this was a good thing, I feel like the universe could feel me struggling with this unresolved issue of guilt and worry so it just gave me something that I needed. And honestly despite everything this guy was my best friend for like three years. So yeah I care about his well being.

Anyways, my point in all of this is that I do feel the past should stay the past, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to miss people or think about them. You shouldn’t feel bad for being concerned about someone that you haven’t heard anything about for a long time. To me, that is just being human, if no one had heard from someone you all used to know for months I think it would be weird if you didn’t think about it. And if that person reaches out to you but you feel like you wont be able to handle opening that door to communication then don’t respond. It is all about you and what you are comfortable with. But, if you think you are in a place where a quick conversation isn’t going to send you in a downward spiral, then go ahead and talk to them. You know you will regret it if you don’t anyway.

20fea0a9d593965b3a42157be3d709a2

xoxo.

[Currently Listening: Feel it in My Bones by Tegan and Sara]

I am not saying I’m super popular, but….

Ugh, is it really Monday already?!?! I feel like the weekend just flew right by me. This weekend was pretty mellow, I really didn’t do much, but my childhood friend Natalie was in town from Vegas so I spent all my time with her. Crazy how time can totally pass you by and you won’t even talk to a specific friend for SO long but when you see them it’s literally as if you just saw them a week ago. I love friendships like that. But seriously enough of my rambling totally off topic, let’s get on with it, shall we?

So if you cannot already tell what this post is going to be about by the picture above then don’t worry I will be explaining it in full detail. Although I am pretty sure most of you can guess where I will be taking this, or at least have an idea of some sort, am I right? Yeah. So here’s the thing: I love my cell phone. I really, really do. But I really don’t love it enough to have it sit in my hand for an extended period of time so I can have a text conversation for however long. I mean, I do have other things to do, as shocking as it is, I am not a TOTAL loser. And yeah, maybe those things don’t consist of anything above doing laundry or watching netflix, but they are things nonetheless! I just cannot stand those people who say “well it is just texting it isn’t like I have you on the phone you should be able to multitask”. Actually, no, it is not easy to text you while I am sorting through clothes or doing my hair. I would actually be easier to talk on the phone because then I could have you on speaker. But even then I probably wouldn’t be able to hear you very clearly, what with the washer going or the blow dryer, so it is most likely a better choice to just catch up when I am NOT BUSY.

And seriously, during my shows, are you joking? I get it if you don’t know I am watching my show. So you ask me what I’m doing, and I say I’m watching my show, then you continue on with the conversation about either A) what is happening in the show or B) a topic which is completely unrelated to the show I am currently watching. Both options are equally annoying, TRUST ME. Although I know that it may only take a few seconds for me to glance down to read your text and send a quick/witty response back and it really shouldn’t be that big of a deal. However, in that second that I was not paying attention, someone on my show could have gotten attacked, or pregnant, or died, or gotten injected with some crazy virus, I mean SO MANY THINGS could happen in that few seconds!

Now we get to the part where you are all thinking “well Kara, why don’t you just not text back?” Good question. Why don’t I just ignore the texts until a more convenient time hmm? I will tell you why. Because I am a total weirdo and there is something in my DNA that makes me feel like a total JERK by not responding. Even though the person probably assumes I am busy and knows I will text back when I can, I am still sitting there thinking of the person who texted me expecting a response and I just can’t bear to leave them hanging! It is a lot of pressure and I think the solution is honestly just to take a break from the communication for a bit. I mean really there is no reason to text people all day every day is there?

I am sure my sister is going to think this is about her, and it isn’t about anyone in particular, to be honest a lot of my friends text and call me very frequently. Not to sound like everyone is just DYING to talk to me all the time, but yeah for some reason I get a lot of texts and calls, and I gotta say I am just not into the constant communication. When I get home I am having my alone time you know? I am relaxing and winding down after my work day. I don’t want to have to have conversations with people. Sometimes I just wanna be alone without worrying if someone is waiting for a response or not. I think everyone should start spending more time without texting and calling their friends unless they REALLY have something to say. Like if you want to make plans, or if something happened and you want to share the story, those are good reasons for texting or calling.

#ComminicationWithPurpose

xoxo.

[Currently Listening: I Was a Fool by Tegan & Sara]

Even the best fall down sometimes…

Hello everyone. Sorry it’s been so long, but if you read my last post then you know I have been busy with some personal stuff, and I’m still pretty busy so I may not be able to post as often as I would like.

Well a lot has happened recently. I am sure all of you have read or heard about the death of Philip Seymour Hoffman. What a tragedy. I, myself, am a huge movie fan and I have just loved everything he has ever been in. It really makes me sick, like déjà vu with Cory Monteith all over again (even tho obviously they do not compare in their careers as actors) it still affects me just as much. To think that living with so much talent, adored by so many fans, he still died all alone. At the hands of such a nightmare of a drug.

“Rock bottom is an inability to cope with the commonplace that is so extreme it makes even the grandest and loveliest things unbearable…Rock bottom is everything out of focus. It’s a failure of vision, a failure to see the world as it is, to see the good in what it is, and only to wonder why the hell things look the way they do and not some other way.” -Prozac Nation

Obviously it’s a dark time for me right now, death is difficult for everyone, and we all deal with it in different ways. One thing I can say is that no matter what demons you may be facing, just remember you’re not alone, even if you feel like you are. I get that it’s hard to see how the decisions you make can affect the people around you but they do. So just stop and think.

“What you feel only matters to you. It’s what you do to the people you say you love. That’s what matters. That’s the only thing that counts” -The Last Kiss

xoxo.

[Currently Listening to: Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson]

I always figured there’d be time enough, I never let it get me down

Good morning everyone. I hope you have all enjoyed your weekend. I turned 26 yesterday (February 1st) and did my best to celebrate despite everything that is going on in my life right now.

This won’t be long, just wanted to post some beautiful song lyrics that I have been listening to during this difficult time in my life, and have a post dedicated to my Mother RIP.

20140202-103058.jpg
Maureen Alyson Lovretovich
July 6, 1954 – January 27, 2014

“Be still and know that I’m with you,
Be still and know that I am here.
Be still and know that I’m with you,
Be still, be still, and know.

When darkness comes upon you,
And covers you with fear and shame.
Be still and know that I’m with you,
And I will say your name.

If terror falls upon your bed,
And sleep no longer comes.
Remember all the words I said,
Be still, be still, and know.

When you go through the valley,
And the shadow comes down from the hill.
If morning never comes to be,
Be still, be still, be still.

If you forget the way to go,
And lose where you came from.
If no one is standing beside you
Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I’m with you,
Be still and know I am.”

Thank you to everyone for writing me their condolences and also birthday wishes, it means a great deal to have such an amazing support system, I am so lucky. My family is very strong and we have each other to get through this unfortunate time. Love and gratitude to all of our friends!

xoxo.

[Listening to: Be Still by The Fray]

I don’t understand why people, why every fucking person, is so bad to each other so fucking often. It doesn’t make sense to me.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had a safe and eventful New Year’s Eve! I hate to start 2014 off with a post like this but due to recent events I just have to! Unfortunately because of the very personal nature of the situation I am not going to go into the details of it in relation to my life but I will speak about the subject in general.

Basically, in a nutshell, I spent a day questioning myself and wondering how I could be so easily disposable to another person. I’m sure many of you out there have felt that way and it really sucks. Whether it be by a boyfriend, girlfriend, regular friend, or even a family member… It fucking hurts.

I don’t know if anything quite compares to how much damage that can cause. I mean as human beings our self esteem is so fragile that even the smallest thing like someone NOT wanting to be our friend anymore can completely shatter it and make us question what kind of friend we are. This just isn’t okay, I mean what gives a person the right to make someone question their self worth? I literally cannot wrap my head around it.

People just honestly blow my mind. They are so horrible to one another and it just makes me sad. I mean of course it upsets me when it is happening to me personally but even more so when I see it happening to the people around me. It’s no secret that we need human relationships to survive in this world, so why, WHY do we insist on being so horrible and keeping everyone at arms length? Why in friendships/relationships does one have to feel superior to the other? Maybe if we focused more energy on keeping our own self esteem up we wouldn’t be so dependent on other people to raise it.

I have a few resolutions this year: I want to get back on track with getting my associates degree, I want to travel more to see my friends that live in other states, I want to start raising my credit, and most important, I want to stop putting so much time and energy into people who are so willing to push me aside whenever they feel like it.

I just want to be happy and I don’t want to have to work so hard to do it. I want it to come naturally. Because life is such a beautiful thing and I am so grateful to have it. If someone doesn’t want to share this journey with me then that is their loss not mine.

xoxo.