I would apologize for so much time passing since my last post, but I have been so determined to find a job (like an actual paying job lol). It is pretty difficult being unemployed.
For today I wanted to write about friendship. There are different types of friendships we encounter in our lives: best friends, acquaintances, life-long friends, and of course, toxic friends. I have found that I have made SO many friends in the 27 years I have been alive and out of all of them I hate to admit that a majority were toxic. The reason I say I hate to admit that is because no one likes to come to the realization that someone they have dedicated so much to ended up being someone who was actually using them. Unfortunately that is the reality of making friends, sometimes you are going to be in a situation where you are giving so much to someone who not only doesn’t return the same treatment, but they also take you for granted.
I remember being a kid watching the TV show Friends and I would think to myself “wow. I cannot wait to grow up so I can live in a fancy New York apartment with my friends all living close by and then one of them turning out to be my soulmate who I marry and we all still meet for coffee every day and do everything together”. Man, if only that were real, right? I am not saying it isn’t real, I mean my older brother has had the same friends since he was in elementary school and they all still manage to get together, even though most are married and some have kids. I don’t know, maybe it’s my generation that is filled with such narcissistic people, who get a real kick out of draining people emotionally.
The worst part is that it is SO hard to tell when a friend you have made is toxic. Especially someone like me who LIVES to just be there for people and give them all I have. The title of this post was inspired by a song titled “Trust Me” by The Fray. There is a verse of the song that goes:
Looking for something I’ve never seen
Alone and I’m in between
The place that I’m from and
The place that I’m in
A city I’ve never been
I found a friend or should I say foe
Said there’s a few things you should know
We don’t want you to see
We come and we go
Here today, gone tomorrow”
I think the main part of that verse that speaks to me is the line that says “we don’t want you to see we come and we go”. What I have discovered with toxic friends is that they are so skilled at deceit. They cannot allow you to know that they are not true friends because then they cannot get what they want from you. Let’s face it, most people won’t give everything they have to someone, who may just up and disappear at any given moment. I don’t want to sit here and blame all my downfalls on toxic friendships, I know that I am solely responsible for any and all mistakes I have made, but I do think that if I hadn’t clung so hard to unhealthy friendships I might be slightly better off at this point in my life.
If I say who I know it just goes to show
You need me less than I need you
Take it from me
We don’t give sympathy
You can trust me trust nobody
But I said you and me
We don’t have honesty
The things we don’t want to speak
I’ll try to get out but I never will
Traffic is perfectly still”
I think that verse is my absolute favorite out of the whole song. If I am speaking on behalf of myself I will say that it makes me feel quite vulnerable when I admit to someone that I don’t really have THAT many close friends. Especially if the person I am speaking to is someone that has a solid group of really great friends. But this verse which is basically displaying a conversation between people where one is saying that admitting their lack of friends will unveil the reality that they are more in need of the person than the other way around. And the other is manipulating them by assuring they can be trusted but no one else can. A lie that so many of us have been guilty of believing. In the end the first person realizes that there is no honesty in their relationship but easily admits that no matter how hard they will try to detach from the other, they never will.
This is because in any toxic relationship only one person can hold all the power. The dominant over the submissive. This is so unhealthy and some people don’t even have the luxury of realizing which one they are. At the end of the day we are all equals and should be treated as such, whether its a boyfriend/girlfriend, or just a friend. If you go home after spending time with a friend and you feel empty or unhappy in any way then something is wrong. The sooner you realize this and stand up for yourself the faster you can remove this toxic friend from your life and make room for healthy loving friends. Someone like me, who finds more solace in friendships than with my own family, it is very crucial that I no longer waste time allowing negative people to grab ahold of me.
We’re only taking turns, holding this world.
It’s how it’s always been, when you’re older you will understand”
[Currently Listening to Trust Me by: The Fray]