Oh Wednesday, how I do adore you, now only two days left of my work week until the weekend. This post is inspired from an unexpected “blast from the past” I encountered recently. Yes, I have written about him quite a bit when this blog first started, but obviously emotions resurfaced and I feel the need to write about him again.
For the sake of privacy I am going to refrain from using his name, but then again, the post isn’t really about him alone. It is about the past in general. You see, the first instinct people have when you bring up someone from your past is to warn you, and tell you it isn’t a good idea to talk to them. And yeah maybe they’re right. Honestly, I do it because no matter how bad a person has hurt me, I will never forget the times when we cared about each other. Thinking about those times doesn’t make me want to run back into his arms, it just makes me happy to have memories of a time where I felt loved, even if in the end I was broken.
So this person contacts me right? What was even more strange was that last week I had a nightmare about him. And I have not thought about this person for a LONG time. Sure, every now and then he crosses my mind, and I ask around about him. But this dream felt SO REAL. I woke up and I text a mutual friend and she agreed it was bizarre but she had not heard anything about him. The feeling stayed with me but I brushed it off. Then a close friend of mine visiting from Las Vegas brought him up, asked me if I ever talked to him and I told her that I don’t even have his phone number, then I told her about the nightmare. The last thing I said to her before the topic of discussion changed was “I just want to know that he is okay. I want to know that he isn’t in trouble and that he is alive somewhere…”
Well, you can imagine how shocked I was to be contacted by him, only a few days later. The conversation wasn’t long and it wasn’t negative nor was it any type of romantic or “I miss you” style of conversation. Just a short, simple exchange of words, “you look well. how have you been.” etc. To be honest it felt SO good to know that he was alive and well I wasn’t even thinking about anything else. Just so relieved that I no longer have to be in my head wondering if he is okay. Obviously my friends voiced their concerns, which I am totally grateful for, extremely lucky to have such caring friends to look out for me. But I really think that this was a good thing, I feel like the universe could feel me struggling with this unresolved issue of guilt and worry so it just gave me something that I needed. And honestly despite everything this guy was my best friend for like three years. So yeah I care about his well being.
Anyways, my point in all of this is that I do feel the past should stay the past, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to miss people or think about them. You shouldn’t feel bad for being concerned about someone that you haven’t heard anything about for a long time. To me, that is just being human, if no one had heard from someone you all used to know for months I think it would be weird if you didn’t think about it. And if that person reaches out to you but you feel like you wont be able to handle opening that door to communication then don’t respond. It is all about you and what you are comfortable with. But, if you think you are in a place where a quick conversation isn’t going to send you in a downward spiral, then go ahead and talk to them. You know you will regret it if you don’t anyway.
[Currently Listening: Feel it in My Bones by Tegan and Sara]