I don’t love you but I always will.

Hello everyone. Sorry it has been so long since my last post but since I had such a busy weekend with moving and everything I just decided to wait until I was all settled and could dedicate some real time to a post for you! I hope you all had a good weekend and MLK day, I had the day off work which was nice and spent it in Manhattan Beach with my sister and best friend, very fun!

Anyway, for today I have a difficult topic to cover, and it is an ongoing struggle that I feel most people have to deal with. Have you ever found yourself attracted to the wrong person? I mean not wrong in the sense that they are bad, but that they don’t share the same feelings for you, and yet you can’t seem to shake your feelings for them. It is such a feeling of being torn on the inside like your mind knows that you need to give it a rest and see what else is out there but your heart will not allow you to truly have the same kind of feelings for anyone else. Talk about BRUTAL.

“Baby you’ve got the sort of laugh that waters me
And makes me grow tall and strong and proud and flattens me
I find you stunning, but you are running me down
My love’s too big for you my love” -Ingrid Michaelson

It is tough even though you meet other people and you think “wow this person could really work out for me” and yet you still hold back because you feel guilty that you still love this other person so much. Even though there is nothing with that other person and maybe there never was. It is almost as if it isn’t up to you, like no matter what, you are still going to be bound by this love you have for them. Like it says in the picture above “I don’t have a choice but I’d still choose you” it is just one of those things that you cannot control but even if you could deep down you know you would pick them every time. Maybe it is the whole wanting something you can’t have idea who knows… All I know is that I for one feel it is unfair to begin having a relationship with someone when you still harbor feelings for another.

“Tell me what to do to take away the you?” -Ingrid Michaelson

So what do you do? Do you remain alone until you figure this situation out? Or is it like one of those things where you have to attempt dating someone else to truly get it out of your mind? Why is it that these situations get such a grip on us! In the beginning it is never like this, you all know the way it goes down too: You meet. Become friends. One flirts with the other. The other takes this as a signal and beings to like them. When confronted about it the one explains that they had no idea and they thought it was just friendship. The other is confused and upset but gets over it. The one starts acting weird so the other creates distance and starts to feel better, maybe even meets someone. The one sees the other out with someone else or whatever and gets jealous, starts to text and call again, get back in the others head. It works and the other falls for it and the one gains the power back by turning the tables. Does this sound familiar?

Truth is it happens all too often because there are some people who don’t like you but they enjoy you liking them and they don’t want you to like anyone else. It is all very weird and annoying and that is part of the reason they stay inside your head for as long as they do because of that damn table-turning! Lol. A friend of mine has experienced this recently and hearing about it literally gives me flashbacks of it happening to me and it drives me CRAZY.

Relationships are just so messy and complicated and I feel as though I have gotten to the point where I have become so comfortable being single that I am nervous that I enjoy it more than dating and I am not sure I really want to dive back into that chaos any time soon. I prefer a phantom boyfriend any day!


[Currently listening to: Supernumerary by Vanaprasta]


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