Happy Monday everyone. I know the start of the week is the worst for most of us so I hope this blog can add some sort of escape from a stressful work day. I want to start off by saying thank you to all of you who are continuing to read and follow my blog and to the new followers who just started! My facebook page is continuing to get likes and some of you are responsible, not only for liking it yourself, but also sharing it with your friends. So A THOUSAND TIMES THANK YOU!
Tonight I was inspired by not only something that happened over the weekend, but something that seems to be a reoccurring pattern in my life, and I am sure most of you experience it as well. I am not sure if it is my humanitarian “Aquarius” nature or what but there is just something about me that makes me want to see the good in everyone. Even though more often times than not I am usually let down. The funny thing is that I feel not helping someone in need hurts more than helping them and getting screwed over. It is just something about me, I don’t know, maybe I feel that I am strong enough to handle being hurt more than they are. Whatever it is, when someone comes calling, you better believe I will come running.
This weekend for example: an old friend of mine was traveling through my town and wanted to see me. And although the circumstances of where we met probably weren’t the most ideal, I gave her the benefit of the doubt, and invited her to stay with me. Everything was great even the people she was traveling with (being total strangers) were extremely nice and polite. Of course it crossed my mind that I didn’t know any of them very well, not even her, but my instinct told me that nothing would get stolen or broken and that everything would be okay. And it honestly was. Some friends of mine came down from OC and we went out to a bar near my house where some of my other friends met up with us. One of the people my visitor was traveling with was not 21 so they had asked me if it was okay that they stay at my house, promising not to touch anything, and I believed them so I said yes. Now I know what you’re all thinking “they stole all of your stuff”. But that actually isn’t what happened. It was actually my friend’s poor judgment of inviting someone ELSE to my house that turned things to the worst.
The guy she gave my address to never got back to her so since she didn’t think he was really going to come she decided to refrain from sharing the information with me (I mean why tell me you’re inviting someone over if they don’t intend on coming right?) WRONG. While I am at the bar with my friends enjoying my night APPARENTLY he shows up and causes a scene, of course I have no idea this is happening since I am not there, and when I arrive back home my two friends from OC and I go in my room to sleep. Her travel buddies share the info with her and she decides not to burden me with it since it was already over and done with. WRONG AGAIN. I get a call last night from my parents hearing the entire story leading them to believe that I am doing some crazy wild stuff at my house and have the potential to get evicted. Real nice right?
So here’s the thing, I have been working SO hard since I have been home, and trust me I would much rather not be working in a cubicle for 8 hours Monday – Friday. But I am doing it because I have to and because I want a chance to have a life that I deserve. The only way I am going to live the life I want is to do the shit I don’t want to do. The fact that I could have potentially lost all of that because I did something nice for someone else definitely sucks don’t get me wrong and I most definitely learned a lesson in judgment. But the whole time I was talking about it with my dad he kept saying over and over again how I have a “problem” with trusting people who don’t deserve to be trusted and how I will never learn from my mistakes and blah blah blah.
Now I know that what happened was a big deal and could have been way worse, and I am aware that I am lucky it didn’t escalate, but do I feel that because I trust people and am kind to them I have a problem? No I honestly don’t. I don’t think I am ever going to stop trying to see the good in people or stop giving the people the benefit of the doubt. Because the less we believe in mankind the more likely mankind will let us down. Ghandi said
“You must be the change you want to see in the world”.
So if I want the world to be a place filled with people who are kind and trusting and genuine, then I will continue to be all of those things, even if I end up disappointed along the way. Obviously, over the past few years I have let that part of me cloud my judgment excessively to the point of my own destruction, and because of that I do need to pick and choose wisely to whom I extend my trust to.
That being said, I understand the worries and concerns of my father, and I do respect where he is coming from. My recovery is nowhere near complete, I am still figuring it all out, and I am still going to make mistakes. We are human, that just comes with the territory, the difference is whether or not we are able to learn from them.