Well, long time no see, my sincerest apologies! The past two weeks have been super crazy! But I promise to make it up to you!
So I’ve come to realize that being a part of the real world of “adulthood” comes with actual responsibility. Who knew? Up until this point I always thought there were two lives to lead: to work everyday, pay bills, be boring or to party your ass off, go on adventures, and not have a care in the world.
I think it is pretty clear what path I chose for the last 7 years lol. During that time I thought I was living the DREAM! I mean I barely had to pay rent, I usually always had a place to stay, if there wasn’t food to eat there were drugs to do to keep me from eating, and the people I met just amazed me! The stories, the struggles, the pain, it was all so tragically beautiful I couldn’t help but be drawn to it.
Normal life was boring to me. I didn’t understand how people did it. I tried the whole nice boyfriend, full time job, home we pay for, cooking dinner, having a pet, guests over for drinks… I faked a smile but inside I was screaming. I began to feel that I was just so fucked up, like my mind was just so dark and twisted that the idea of normal was not actually normal, but dysfunction is where I felt at ease. That’s when I broke free from the cage of normalcy I was trapped in and spiraled right down the rabbit hole of total chaos.
Looking back I don’t regret it, I have some amazing stories, but nothing compares to the stories I am creating as of now. Here I am, working a full time job in an office, living ALONE in a one bedroom apartment that I pay for. But boredom is the furthest word from my vocabulary. Last weekend I was invited to a house party of a celebrity. I drank high end alcohol all night among some of the biggest names in music and stayed there til 4:30am. It was unreal. This weekend I went with my stepbrother to a new club I’ve never been to and not only did we walk past the line RIGHT up to the door, but it was one of the best clubs I’ve been to in a while.
The people I meet now are some of the most unique individuals I have ever met with the most beautiful spirits. They have jobs and homes but they live their lives to the fullest every chance they get. Now I have discovered that there are not two different lives to live, that you can actually live both, and still be okay.
I think living the life I want is easier now, because I actually have something to lose for once, and it feels pretty damn good.