Happy Monday everyone! I hope everyone’s week has started out fabulous as Halloween approaches! I don’t know about all of you but when the season of Fall starts all I can think about is relationships. Not that I necessarily WANT one, but it starts to get cold out, and tons of romantic holiday comedies start playing on TV. Let’s face it, cuddling in front of a fire drinking hot cocoa, sounds pretty damn good.
So, while I have you on the subject, what do you think makes a relationship work? There are always the simple answers like trust and respect. Then there’s those out there who say if you love each other enough then it will work no matter what. Well, a few years ago I poured my whole heart into a relationship, and trust me I loved him plenty. I lost friends, family, but worst of all I lost myself. When the relationship ended I literally felt as if I had nothing. I had put all my hopes and dreams on hold with the notion that this guy was my future. Starting over is so hard and I’ve decided that I don’t want to do it again.
It is in our DNA as human beings to be insecure, especially women, so wouldn’t it be best to go into a relationship as the best version of yourself? When you are not sure of who you are or happy where you going in life it’s that much easier to change for the person you’re with. You are filled with so much uncertainty that you will go in any direction you’re led in, you cling so tightly to the relationship that you don’t realize it’s happening, until one day it ends and you have no idea who you are. Recently I made a drastic lifestyle change and I thought to myself “When was the last time I focused on what I want, without ANY distractions?” And the answer was NEVER! So I began an experiment: I decided that before I even considered entering the dating world again I would create a sense of stability and happiness in my life on my own. That way when the time came to have a relationship, I could enter one completely confident in who I was and where I was going, and no one could change that. If the relationship comes to an end I will be sad but my world won’t be over, because they were just a part of what I have already built, they weren’t what I built it around.
I think that the fear of the end is what ultimately causes the break up. If you are scared of what will happen if things don’t work out then you will panic and start to lose control. Imagine you start dating someone as a version of what you think they want and you’re constantly terrified that when they discover the real you they will leave. So you constantly struggle to maintain this facade and begin to resent the person you love which becomes so confusing that half the time neither of you know what you’re fighting about when you argue. However, you go into a relationship happy with yourself and your life, that’s when you have a real shot of being happy with someone else.
As Lady Gaga once said:
Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”
So stop waking up every day being sad that you don’t have a boyfriend, instead wake up every day and be happy that you are free to figure out who you are and what you’re capable of.