Well everyone I am back. If you read the title of this you probably already know what this post is going to be about, but don’t worry I won’t make it too sappy/romantic.
Have you ever seen someone and everything sort of just freezes? It is like slow motion. Your eyes meet and all that exists is this person and the feeling you’re getting from seeing this person. I have experienced this, when I saw him my world just stopped, and I absolutely fucking love it when it stops.
For those of you out there that have lived a life similar to mine, then you all know how good it feels when everything around you just ceases to exist. That is why we do drugs isn’t it? I mean yeah, we do it for the thrill, for the rush, for the excitement, and etc . But we also do them because lets face it, sometimes we start to lose control, and we just want to get it back. Or everything is just happening so fast and we just need a minute to slow things down. Drugs do that for us. They make us feel in control and they make the world stop spinning for however long we are high (or low). My entire life I have been chasing this unbeatable high, but nothing ever seems to work, no matter how many drugs I do. This urge of mine finally got the best of me a year ago, landing myself in rehab, and introducing me to some of the most amazing people I have ever met.
So after a month or so in rehab, I am all cleaned out and detoxed, and all of a sudden I start to feel again. Like really feel, feel every little thing, to an extreme degree. And that is when it happened, like being hit by a truck, and I didn’t even see it coming.
Now even though most of you probably know who I am talking about (because I am such a freak) this person will remain nameless. So I see this guy and I am just speechless. And I think to myself “oh my god Kara you have GOT to talk to this guy”. So what do I do? I go up and I talk to him. And let me tell you, he was even hotter when he opened his mouth, who knew that could happen? After that I was done for and there was just no turning back. From that moment on I did what every other normal girl does who becomes interested in someone: talked about him non stop to my girlfriends (total middle school status).
After months of this little rehab crush I get slapped in the face with a transfer to another center, in South Texas, FML right? Now there is something people say…. Distance makes the heart grow fonder…. yeah…. I don’t think that applies when the other person doesn’t feel the same way about you! Lol! So I did my thing in Texas and focused on myself and getting back home to my family! When the time came to move on I came back to California to grab my belongings from the rehab I initially started at. As I was saying my goodbyes to old friends who were still there, I run into him and spend a few minutes catching up. At this point I had heard many different scenarios of “gossip” and high school drama and was pretty much ready to get on with my life. So we exchange digits and I go on my way, leaving the rest to the universe, hoping for the best.
About a month and a half ago, I get this text, I bet you can guess who it is from. So I am just beside myself with excitement, not because I still had this crush, but because I realized that I really missed my friendship with him. After just one night of texts and then the weeks pass without a word. Totally bummin but not letting it get to me I just go on with my normal life. Weeks later the universe slams me again. Another text! This one even better than the first because he tells me he is moving to a place not too far from me! I am filled with such excitement since after moving home I really didn’t have that many friends around who I could hangout with and talk to like I used to talk to him! After a week of texting daily and making plans to hangout, the texts suddenly stop, with no explanation.
At this point I am just FED UP. I mean clearly the universe just wants to fuck with me and I refuse to be made a fool of by the freaking universe. I just assume that he changed his mind about hanging out and decide to let it go. After one last attempt I call his cell and its disconnected which reminds me of where I met him, IN REHAB, duh. This is where this story gets super hilarious. If you didn’t think I was a stalker before (which I am sure you already did) you will definitely think it now. So I begin an extensive search of all the court websites looking for an arrest record and I try contacting people at the rehab he was recently working at to see if anyone has remained in contact with him (big surprise, no one has, that place is supposed to care about us right?)
My last attempt was to cycle through our old text messages (yeah I saved them, are you surprised?) That is where I found the location of the sober living house he told me he was living at and do a search on google. Once I have the number I call and a lovely girl answers, so I say what anyone in this scenario would say, that I am his sister and I haven’t been able to get a hold of him which has led me to worry. She tells me he hasn’t lived there for three weeks (about how long it has been since I have heard from him). Of course my final assumption is the worst case scenario, which obviously breaks my heart, but I did everything I could.
He constantly crosses my mind every day. I mean despite any “school girl” crush I had on this guy however many months ago, I really feel like we had formed a pretty solid friendship, and the idea that something bad happened to him really makes me sick to my stomach. A mutual friend of ours who is living in Northern Cali checks in with me every so often wondering if I have heard anything and it is just a constant reminder that this friend we both truly care about is nowhere to be found, and we are not sure if we will ever know if he is okay.
Some of you are probably wondering what the moral of this story is and it is rather simple: I believe that everyone has a soul mate. Whether that person becomes the love of your life, or maybe just a really good friend, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you feel a connection with this person stronger than any other. So strong that if they go MIA you are willing to go super stalker status to try and find them. It doesn’t necessarily mean you are in love with them, it just means that you saw something special in this person, something worth fighting for. And if at the end of the fight my victory results in nothing more than a long lasting friendship, well, I think that is more than I could ever ask for.
In this case, I just hope that everything turns out okay, and deep down I have a feeling it will. It is not often you get the chance to meet a person that literally takes your breath away (and I don’t just mean in the romantic way). I mean a “I cannot believe a person THIS interesting exists in the world and I am friends with them” kind of way. I hope he is all right and knows that he has friends out here that he has made a serious impact on. <3
Lots of love to those of you reading this, and to the Universe, I thank you for this memorable year.